Having a baby is a joy that I love to share. I love that people want to see her, strangers want to know how big she was and family members love to give me looks when I tell them her name. One of the things that come with having a new baby is people asking about the delivery. Generally, these are women that are close to the mother and honestly, sharing our birth experience builds a bond between women, allowing us to find things we share in common and giving us validation of our feelings and actions. I don't mind swapping stories, usually.
Here are a few questions I have received as I have shared the story of our daughter's birth:
What did you enjoy most about birthing at home?
By far, the best part of having a baby at home is the privacy. I was able to labor in peace, no nurses coming in to "check my progress" and afterwards, I went to sleep in my own bed. I really enjoyed the quiet, private recovery time as well.
Did you think might end up at the hospital? Did you have any last minute doubts?
Honestly, if had I thought, at any point, that I would need to be at the hospital, I would not have chosen a home birth. Despite my confidence in my ability to birth naturally and safely, I did have back up plans for complications that could arise. Not only did I have a "worst case scenario" plan (ambulance and hospital), but also I had a personal comfort limit for how far over my estimated due date I would go before seeking assistance from an obstetrician.
Would you do it again?
I would! Right now, we are happy with 5 children, but if we have anymore children, I would definitely want to deliver at home unassisted.
How did the doctor react to the news of your home delivery?
Our family doctor is wonderful. I have been seeing her since I found out I was pregnant with our oldest son. She was very happy to see our new little baby, but she did say that she wished we had been at the hospital because of the risks. Overall, she was positive and thrilled that I had such an easy, uncomplicated labor and a beautiful healthy baby.
What would you do differently?
I would really seek to have prenatal care with someone supportive of my decision to homebirth. As I said, our family practitioner is great, but I'm not sure how she would feel about me openly planning an unassisted birth. Having that extra support is wonderful and its important that the people who may end up overseeing my healthcare in an emergency situation are people who I have a relationship and connection with. I need to know that they are going to listen when I need them to listen. My husband was wonderful and read whatever I read. We were a good team. I would seek to have a little more outside support, maybe widen that circle of trust to include more women. Men don't talk as much as women and I think my husband may have been sick of pregnancy talk well before the 3rd trimester began!
What about child care for your other children while you are in labor and recovering?
I read somewhere that the majority of women who are left to labor in their own way and time will deliver in the wee hours of the night and morning. I was really counting on this for our delivery because it was important to me to keep our plans quiet and arranging childcare would have meant letting someone into our circle of trust. It was also very important to me that the children be the first to see the baby, instead of all the friends and extended family members dropping by to see the baby. We are very fortunate that our baby kept to the plan and our other kids were all sleeping. We did end up arranging back up child care with my aunt who lives just 3 miles away, so again, we made sure we had options.
During recovery, my husband ran things. The boys are all very helpful and I think they really like having Dad spend his days with them.
What would you say to other mothers who wish to vbac at home or have an unassisted birth?
My experience with an unassisted home birth is just that: my experience. I would not tell someone else that they should attempt the same thing but I would happily share my story and how we came to this decision. It was a rewarding and healing journey that culminated with the birth of this baby. I finally felt like I had a labor that was easy and comfortable and done in my own time and way, something I knew I was capable of despite being labeled as "high risk". There is a lot of freedom in throwing off the constraints and labels of a hospital birth, but it certainly has its place in emergency situations. Each person has to make their own decision based on accurate information and personal comfort.
I feel like I have come to the end of a long journey, one that ended as I had hoped. We had a healthy pregnancy, a wonderful labor, and now a beautiful baby girl. What more could I ask for? I am a more confident person now, I feel more educated and I have regained a lot of my self esteem. I doubt that I will keep this blog going now. Maybe an occasional post to update. There are so many great blogs out there that are dedicated to educating women on just how amazing their bodies are and how pregnancy and birth can be so much more and so much easier than the image pushed on us by doctors and hospitals. The most important thing anyone can do is to educate themselves. Keep looking for answers to your questions. You may have been told that YOU are the reason your child "had" to be born the way the doctor prescribed, but the truth is out there. Don't stop looking or striving for a better way.
Thanks for reading. Take care :)
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Now Birthing.... Daughters!
Well, I may have to change the name of this blog, because..... It's a girl!
We are so proud to be the parents of 5 children now, and even more excited to welcome our first girl. She is a beautiful baby and looks so much like our oldest boy when he was born. The funny part is that she has red hair, so my previous post, where I'm ranting about "not over doing it with the pink clothes" probably needs to be disregarded. Red heads look great in pink! That will teach me...!
I have a lot to say about the whole home birth/unassisted experience, but for now, I just want to share the actual birth story. Its not a messy or unusual birth story, pretty typical thankfully.
After my last post on Thursday, my husband and I sat down for our nightly ritual - watching a few episodes of "Highlander". I sort of timed contractions, but after nodding off during the 2nd episode and having contractions wake me up, decided I should go to bed. It was about 1 am and I felt that we would probably have a baby soon, maybe even before morning, so we set about getting things ready. We put water and washcloths in a crock pot and put it on low heat (by the way, this was too hot! If you are going to use this setting, put it on the warm setting so your attendant doesn't burn their hands when getting washcloths out. Thankfully, my husband works with very hot water every day and has hands made of Kevlar!) I prepared a small tea pot of the herb Shepherd's Purse, just to have it on hand in case of hemorrhaging. We got out some towels for catching the baby, set our umbilical scissors in an alcohol solution by the bed and got the bag of homeopathic remedies out. And then we went to bed. Or rather, he went to bed and I tried.
After laying down for about 10 minutes, it was clear that the contractions were NOT going to go away and that laying down was actually making them MORE uncomfortable. I decided to sit up in my rocking chair (sitting on a puddle pad) and try to watch a movie. These contractions were strong, but nothing I couldn't work through. Over the next hour, they moved from 10 minutes apart to 6 minutes and finally, I got to a point that I just couldn't count the passing seconds or relax through the contractions anymore. I had to get up and evacuate my bladder 2 times with the last 2 contractions and as I got up for the third time, I decided that I just couldn't go through anymore contractions without my husband! I needed my back rubbed and some help focusing through the difficult parts, so I woke him up. As I was sitting on the toilet, I started to feel that familiar feeling of pushing, making its way toward me. I knew that I had to get off the toilet, but I really wanted to ease the pressure on my bladder and was waiting for my water to break and give me some relief. It must have broke while I was there, but I couldn't tell. My husband helped (read: MADE me get off the toilet) me get out of the bathroom and I made it to the bed and stood at the foot. We realized it was almost time.
While he busily gathered supplies, I focused through the next contraction. The need to push started to take over. Part of my preparations for this birth was realizing that I didn't want to push when my body wasn't ready or push too fast and end up with a tear. I really tried to let my body do the work. Just as I needed to bear down, my husband was there and ready to catch. I started to push and still felt like there should have been a rush of water and maybe the bag was in the way, so I asked my husband to check if the head was coming down and if he could feel a bag. He said that there was no bag, just a head. My husband applied a hot washcloth to my perineum and I pushed with the next contraction. The head was completely out and with the last contraction, our little girl was born at 2:55 am!
After a few hours of sleep, we woke up our boys and let them all come visit their new little sis. Our toddler was probably the most excited. He couldn't stop laughing and saying "baby!" It was so nice to have them be the first people to see their sister and have that peace of being at home. It was very special.
We made an appointment that morning with our family doctor so we could both get checked out. I had no major tears, just one small "stretch" that is a little tender, but did not need stitches. Our little girl checked out beautifully. She wasn't covered in vernix, just a little left in the creases of her legs and arms, so we know she was born right on time! She had great color and vigor from the start and has been nursing like a champ! Really, the whole process could not have gone better and I feel so blessed to have come through pregnancy and delivery healthy and with a healthy baby.
If you have any questions about the birth or anything else that I've written about, please feel free to ask. I'm hoping I can cover a lot of those in my next post. Take care :)
We are so proud to be the parents of 5 children now, and even more excited to welcome our first girl. She is a beautiful baby and looks so much like our oldest boy when he was born. The funny part is that she has red hair, so my previous post, where I'm ranting about "not over doing it with the pink clothes" probably needs to be disregarded. Red heads look great in pink! That will teach me...!
I have a lot to say about the whole home birth/unassisted experience, but for now, I just want to share the actual birth story. Its not a messy or unusual birth story, pretty typical thankfully.
After my last post on Thursday, my husband and I sat down for our nightly ritual - watching a few episodes of "Highlander". I sort of timed contractions, but after nodding off during the 2nd episode and having contractions wake me up, decided I should go to bed. It was about 1 am and I felt that we would probably have a baby soon, maybe even before morning, so we set about getting things ready. We put water and washcloths in a crock pot and put it on low heat (by the way, this was too hot! If you are going to use this setting, put it on the warm setting so your attendant doesn't burn their hands when getting washcloths out. Thankfully, my husband works with very hot water every day and has hands made of Kevlar!) I prepared a small tea pot of the herb Shepherd's Purse, just to have it on hand in case of hemorrhaging. We got out some towels for catching the baby, set our umbilical scissors in an alcohol solution by the bed and got the bag of homeopathic remedies out. And then we went to bed. Or rather, he went to bed and I tried.
After laying down for about 10 minutes, it was clear that the contractions were NOT going to go away and that laying down was actually making them MORE uncomfortable. I decided to sit up in my rocking chair (sitting on a puddle pad) and try to watch a movie. These contractions were strong, but nothing I couldn't work through. Over the next hour, they moved from 10 minutes apart to 6 minutes and finally, I got to a point that I just couldn't count the passing seconds or relax through the contractions anymore. I had to get up and evacuate my bladder 2 times with the last 2 contractions and as I got up for the third time, I decided that I just couldn't go through anymore contractions without my husband! I needed my back rubbed and some help focusing through the difficult parts, so I woke him up. As I was sitting on the toilet, I started to feel that familiar feeling of pushing, making its way toward me. I knew that I had to get off the toilet, but I really wanted to ease the pressure on my bladder and was waiting for my water to break and give me some relief. It must have broke while I was there, but I couldn't tell. My husband helped (read: MADE me get off the toilet) me get out of the bathroom and I made it to the bed and stood at the foot. We realized it was almost time.
While he busily gathered supplies, I focused through the next contraction. The need to push started to take over. Part of my preparations for this birth was realizing that I didn't want to push when my body wasn't ready or push too fast and end up with a tear. I really tried to let my body do the work. Just as I needed to bear down, my husband was there and ready to catch. I started to push and still felt like there should have been a rush of water and maybe the bag was in the way, so I asked my husband to check if the head was coming down and if he could feel a bag. He said that there was no bag, just a head. My husband applied a hot washcloth to my perineum and I pushed with the next contraction. The head was completely out and with the last contraction, our little girl was born at 2:55 am!
After a few hours of sleep, we woke up our boys and let them all come visit their new little sis. Our toddler was probably the most excited. He couldn't stop laughing and saying "baby!" It was so nice to have them be the first people to see their sister and have that peace of being at home. It was very special.
We made an appointment that morning with our family doctor so we could both get checked out. I had no major tears, just one small "stretch" that is a little tender, but did not need stitches. Our little girl checked out beautifully. She wasn't covered in vernix, just a little left in the creases of her legs and arms, so we know she was born right on time! She had great color and vigor from the start and has been nursing like a champ! Really, the whole process could not have gone better and I feel so blessed to have come through pregnancy and delivery healthy and with a healthy baby.
If you have any questions about the birth or anything else that I've written about, please feel free to ask. I'm hoping I can cover a lot of those in my next post. Take care :)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Possibly in Labor?
My due date has come and gone. I don't hold to fast to the due date given to me by the doctor, but I do feel that it is fairly accurate and somehow thought that I would actually be holding a baby by now! I was really hoping for my brother's birthday, since we are giving this baby (if it's a girl) the same middle name as both him and my father. We still don't have a boys name!
Tonight I am having some good contractions. They are spaced about 15 minutes apart and are the crampy kind, not the full stomach tightening ones. I would love to say that I am in labor, especially because one of them woke me up earlier during my nap, but there is every possibility they will stop and I could do it all again tomorrow. Last Saturday I was having some really intense, full stomach contractions with LOTS of pressure in the pelvic floor, but I chose to go to test them by going to bed and they stopped. I've had some contractions pretty much every evening since then. I guess I will have to wait and see.
I'm going to use this fun little webpage to track contractions tonight. And I'm going to stay up and sitting up to see if that helps. I don't really know what else to do. Maybe I can sit out on the porch and repot plants? Something to keep me busy and distracted. Maybe sewing?
Anyway, if you read this tonight, keep me in prayer. All of our supplies are ready, our bedroom is ready, we have child care lined up for emergency situations or change in our plans to birth unassisted, but above all things, I am relying on God to bring all of us through this situation as He has intended by design. Thanks and Shalom :)
Tonight I am having some good contractions. They are spaced about 15 minutes apart and are the crampy kind, not the full stomach tightening ones. I would love to say that I am in labor, especially because one of them woke me up earlier during my nap, but there is every possibility they will stop and I could do it all again tomorrow. Last Saturday I was having some really intense, full stomach contractions with LOTS of pressure in the pelvic floor, but I chose to go to test them by going to bed and they stopped. I've had some contractions pretty much every evening since then. I guess I will have to wait and see.
I'm going to use this fun little webpage to track contractions tonight. And I'm going to stay up and sitting up to see if that helps. I don't really know what else to do. Maybe I can sit out on the porch and repot plants? Something to keep me busy and distracted. Maybe sewing?
Anyway, if you read this tonight, keep me in prayer. All of our supplies are ready, our bedroom is ready, we have child care lined up for emergency situations or change in our plans to birth unassisted, but above all things, I am relying on God to bring all of us through this situation as He has intended by design. Thanks and Shalom :)
Sunday, May 15, 2011
One week....
I made the mistake of going to the doctor about 2 weeks ago. I gave in and told my aunt about our birth plans and let her comments pressure me into going to the doctor "one last time". It was a disaster!
I didn't fully disclose my plans to the doctor, but I did tell her that I was just going to "take my chances" when it came time to deliver. She took that as I was just going to take whatever doctor I got when I checked into the hospital. I ended up crying in the exam room, which was good because I don't think she understood how frustrated and overwhelmed I was with how the last delivery went. The idea of having someone else tell me how to give birth and give me pitocin without my consent is just more than I can deal with again and although I had been telling her this since my first postpartum check after that delivery, and all through this pregnancy, she really didn't see how upset I was.
I left her office feeling pushed to make a decision about which local OB would be attending me during labor. She called Dr. A and let him know that I was almost 38 weeks, had not been going to appointments because of some deeply rooted fears about delivery and apparently he sees no reason why I can't vbac again. He also said something like "well, she can do whatever she wants during labor, its no bother to me". Right. But hospital policy dictates what he can and can't do and that effects the woman giving birth! That is no guarantee that I won't end up with pitocin again! Not to mention, I just don't want to have my baby at the hospital! Worse, if I just wing it and go in, my doctor is responsible for not letting someone know my prior history of delivery and the "risk" could get her in trouble.
I was very upset about the whole appointment and being bullied into choosing an ob, being pushed into going to another doctor's appointment at all and then having my husband on the other side, telling me not to let them push me around and getting upset that I was upset! It's not helpful to try to force someone who is already feeling pushed around into making such a big decision (like "do I continue on with my plan or bail out now and get an ob?"), especially when your main concern is not your wife or her feelings, but the idea of someone else being in control of your child's future! Men do not know what it's like to have a doctor telling them what they need to do, being in control of the whole pregnancy and delivery, from the first pelvic exam, thru every test and conversation weighted with scary statistics and "what ifs"! They don't know so they forget that really, this is all about the woman being in control of her own body and labor!
I know he will be great during labor and delivery, but it was maddening to have that all hit in one day.
Since then, family members have been offering to take the other kids "while we are at the hospital" and I have used that opportunity to tell them we plan on staying home and having the kids stay too, barring any emergencies. My mom was very receptive to the idea and far more understanding than I thought she would be. My father in law thought that my husband delivering the baby was a great idea, after all, "people have been having babies for centuries without doctors". It has been good to have their support.
With only a week until my due date, I am more resolved to stay home. I had a few days of worry and stress after that appointment, but I have not called the ob for an appointment and as long as I don't go to far over my date, I won't. I have even started getting baby clothes set aside. Want to know a secret? I think it might be a girl, too. The reality that there will be a new baby soon and I will no longer be pregnant is starting to sink in and I'm finally getting ready. I would appreciate prayers during this time. For peace in our home, preparedness, safety and a healthy baby. Thanks for reading! Maybe next week I can post about our new little one :)
I didn't fully disclose my plans to the doctor, but I did tell her that I was just going to "take my chances" when it came time to deliver. She took that as I was just going to take whatever doctor I got when I checked into the hospital. I ended up crying in the exam room, which was good because I don't think she understood how frustrated and overwhelmed I was with how the last delivery went. The idea of having someone else tell me how to give birth and give me pitocin without my consent is just more than I can deal with again and although I had been telling her this since my first postpartum check after that delivery, and all through this pregnancy, she really didn't see how upset I was.
I left her office feeling pushed to make a decision about which local OB would be attending me during labor. She called Dr. A and let him know that I was almost 38 weeks, had not been going to appointments because of some deeply rooted fears about delivery and apparently he sees no reason why I can't vbac again. He also said something like "well, she can do whatever she wants during labor, its no bother to me". Right. But hospital policy dictates what he can and can't do and that effects the woman giving birth! That is no guarantee that I won't end up with pitocin again! Not to mention, I just don't want to have my baby at the hospital! Worse, if I just wing it and go in, my doctor is responsible for not letting someone know my prior history of delivery and the "risk" could get her in trouble.
I was very upset about the whole appointment and being bullied into choosing an ob, being pushed into going to another doctor's appointment at all and then having my husband on the other side, telling me not to let them push me around and getting upset that I was upset! It's not helpful to try to force someone who is already feeling pushed around into making such a big decision (like "do I continue on with my plan or bail out now and get an ob?"), especially when your main concern is not your wife or her feelings, but the idea of someone else being in control of your child's future! Men do not know what it's like to have a doctor telling them what they need to do, being in control of the whole pregnancy and delivery, from the first pelvic exam, thru every test and conversation weighted with scary statistics and "what ifs"! They don't know so they forget that really, this is all about the woman being in control of her own body and labor!
I know he will be great during labor and delivery, but it was maddening to have that all hit in one day.
Since then, family members have been offering to take the other kids "while we are at the hospital" and I have used that opportunity to tell them we plan on staying home and having the kids stay too, barring any emergencies. My mom was very receptive to the idea and far more understanding than I thought she would be. My father in law thought that my husband delivering the baby was a great idea, after all, "people have been having babies for centuries without doctors". It has been good to have their support.
With only a week until my due date, I am more resolved to stay home. I had a few days of worry and stress after that appointment, but I have not called the ob for an appointment and as long as I don't go to far over my date, I won't. I have even started getting baby clothes set aside. Want to know a secret? I think it might be a girl, too. The reality that there will be a new baby soon and I will no longer be pregnant is starting to sink in and I'm finally getting ready. I would appreciate prayers during this time. For peace in our home, preparedness, safety and a healthy baby. Thanks for reading! Maybe next week I can post about our new little one :)
Saturday, April 23, 2011
4 weeks! Eek!
Just 4 weeks left!
I realize that my due date is an estimate, not an exact date, so I am prepared to go over a bit. I have not decided what I will do if I go more than 1o days over. That is about how long I was over due with baby #2, so that is where my comfort zone extends too. Beyond that, I suppose I would call the doctor and ask for a check up? Not sure. I have some primrose oil that I will start using near my due date, but I don't want to get all crazy about having a baby "on time."
I am feeling well. My blood pressure is stable, my weight is stable, the baby is rolling around quite a bit, and I have only had one day of minor swelling in one foot, and I assume that is because I was up on my feet for two whole days, retexturing the nursery! I will have to start taking my alfalfa supplement again to help ward of swelling. Thankfully, I usually avoid any edema until after delivery, and its much easier to have your feet up afterwards. I find it hard to sit around during the last trimester, waiting, especially when there is so much to be done in a house that is still in need of organizing, unpacking and repair. I promise to slow down and work on easy stuff for the last month, though, like cooking and sewing and gardening :)
As you know, we decided not to find out what the baby's gender will be. I am happy with that decision and have not worried in the least about getting ready for the baby. I wish that I had made this choice with the other ones! I would have freed myself from a lot of stress and disappointment (when told that I was having yet another boy) and probably enjoyed my pregnancy more. Knowing that there is a very real possibility that this baby is a girl, I have started to take notice of some gender bias in our culture.
I guess I noticed it a little before, but it never really bothered me. Have you ever noticed that everyone gets really excited about someone having a little girl and not so much with the boys? When I go to a baby shower for a little girl, the presents abound, everyone is excited to buy dresses and "cute" stuff, and its pink Pink PINK everywhere! When the shower is for a boy, gifts are much more practical - onesies, diapers, toys. Its nice, its fun, but its just not as exciting to everyone. This could just be the fact that females bond over clothing and shopping, so we naturally extend that to our daughters, even the smallest of them.
I've also noticed while shopping online that there are far MORE crib sets for girls than there are for boys. There is more wall art for sale, better car seat covers, just MORE STUFF targeted towards those shopping for girls! I know I'm not crazy, I have noticed this before, but it never bothered me when I knew I was having a boy. I just found what I needed (or made it if I couldn't ) and called it good. Now, with the prospect of having a girl, it is both insulting and disgusting to me! I am offended that so much focus has been put on "how great it is to have a girl"! HELLO! Can our society function or continue without men? No? huh. Then maybe we should get a little more enthusiastic about our boys.
Don't get me wrong, I am excited that we could have a girl. But I am more excited that we will have a new family member, no matter their gender! Another boy would be great! I just want him or her to be healthy. I adore my boys and loved dressing them in their tiny clothes, every trip out of the house a chance to show off the baby! It was fun.
What I am NOT excited about is having a girl and then being flooded with gifts and PINK STUFF all over my house. I like pink, but I don't think that girls need to wear pink ALL THE TIME to let everyone know "I'm a girl!" I have tried to warn people that this is how I feel about pink, but they laugh it off like I'm being silly. SERIOUSLY. Pink doesn't make your little girl any more of a girl!
I have pulled pants and onesies, pajamas and sleepers out of my baby clothes totes, some blue or green, some yellow or white and I intend to use what I already have, whether it is a boy or girl! If it is a girl, I will not go out of my way or break my bank to put her in something "girly" every day! I did buy a few tops/dresses to pair with the pants and overalls I have on hand, and yes, a couple of the things are pink or floral. But mostly, I intend to make A line dresses, that can be worn as tops as she gets older, out of fabric I have on hand. Red, blue, green, yellow, purple, grey, orange, whatever I have is what she will wear and she will still be a girl! I don't want to be flooded with pink! I wonder if mother's of girls who suddenly have a boy feel the same way about boys stuff?
Ha! It's silly, I know. But for the love of rainbows, enough with the pink!
I realize that my due date is an estimate, not an exact date, so I am prepared to go over a bit. I have not decided what I will do if I go more than 1o days over. That is about how long I was over due with baby #2, so that is where my comfort zone extends too. Beyond that, I suppose I would call the doctor and ask for a check up? Not sure. I have some primrose oil that I will start using near my due date, but I don't want to get all crazy about having a baby "on time."
I am feeling well. My blood pressure is stable, my weight is stable, the baby is rolling around quite a bit, and I have only had one day of minor swelling in one foot, and I assume that is because I was up on my feet for two whole days, retexturing the nursery! I will have to start taking my alfalfa supplement again to help ward of swelling. Thankfully, I usually avoid any edema until after delivery, and its much easier to have your feet up afterwards. I find it hard to sit around during the last trimester, waiting, especially when there is so much to be done in a house that is still in need of organizing, unpacking and repair. I promise to slow down and work on easy stuff for the last month, though, like cooking and sewing and gardening :)
As you know, we decided not to find out what the baby's gender will be. I am happy with that decision and have not worried in the least about getting ready for the baby. I wish that I had made this choice with the other ones! I would have freed myself from a lot of stress and disappointment (when told that I was having yet another boy) and probably enjoyed my pregnancy more. Knowing that there is a very real possibility that this baby is a girl, I have started to take notice of some gender bias in our culture.
I guess I noticed it a little before, but it never really bothered me. Have you ever noticed that everyone gets really excited about someone having a little girl and not so much with the boys? When I go to a baby shower for a little girl, the presents abound, everyone is excited to buy dresses and "cute" stuff, and its pink Pink PINK everywhere! When the shower is for a boy, gifts are much more practical - onesies, diapers, toys. Its nice, its fun, but its just not as exciting to everyone. This could just be the fact that females bond over clothing and shopping, so we naturally extend that to our daughters, even the smallest of them.
I've also noticed while shopping online that there are far MORE crib sets for girls than there are for boys. There is more wall art for sale, better car seat covers, just MORE STUFF targeted towards those shopping for girls! I know I'm not crazy, I have noticed this before, but it never bothered me when I knew I was having a boy. I just found what I needed (or made it if I couldn't ) and called it good. Now, with the prospect of having a girl, it is both insulting and disgusting to me! I am offended that so much focus has been put on "how great it is to have a girl"! HELLO! Can our society function or continue without men? No? huh. Then maybe we should get a little more enthusiastic about our boys.
Don't get me wrong, I am excited that we could have a girl. But I am more excited that we will have a new family member, no matter their gender! Another boy would be great! I just want him or her to be healthy. I adore my boys and loved dressing them in their tiny clothes, every trip out of the house a chance to show off the baby! It was fun.
What I am NOT excited about is having a girl and then being flooded with gifts and PINK STUFF all over my house. I like pink, but I don't think that girls need to wear pink ALL THE TIME to let everyone know "I'm a girl!" I have tried to warn people that this is how I feel about pink, but they laugh it off like I'm being silly. SERIOUSLY. Pink doesn't make your little girl any more of a girl!
I have pulled pants and onesies, pajamas and sleepers out of my baby clothes totes, some blue or green, some yellow or white and I intend to use what I already have, whether it is a boy or girl! If it is a girl, I will not go out of my way or break my bank to put her in something "girly" every day! I did buy a few tops/dresses to pair with the pants and overalls I have on hand, and yes, a couple of the things are pink or floral. But mostly, I intend to make A line dresses, that can be worn as tops as she gets older, out of fabric I have on hand. Red, blue, green, yellow, purple, grey, orange, whatever I have is what she will wear and she will still be a girl! I don't want to be flooded with pink! I wonder if mother's of girls who suddenly have a boy feel the same way about boys stuff?
Ha! It's silly, I know. But for the love of rainbows, enough with the pink!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Last minute worries
I am so much less stressed since I decided to quit going to appointments! I get to just enjoy being pregnant without the hassle of so many appointments, especially in this last trimester.
I do have one concern, and maybe you have some advice for this: what will my doctor (who is our family practitioner) do when she figures out I haven't gone to the other doctor who would handle the vbac and what will I do if she refuses to be our family doctor after our ubac? I am very worried about this! It is difficult to find a great doctor in our town and I don't want to be kicked off her roster!
Part of the reason I decided to stop going to appointments is because the doctor she has to turn me over to is very unpleasant and the stress of having to go to him again was more than I could take! I am happy with this decision. I'm not even worried about the possibility of ending up at the hospital and trying to explain my decision to the on call ob. Really, I just don't want to have to find a new doctor after all this.
Deciding to ubac at home has not been completely stress free. There are a few things that I am worried about happening. The biggest one is hemorrhaging. I watched my step sister give birth to her first baby (in the hospital) and she had a placenta break and there was blood everywhere, so I know how fast you can lose blood during that kind of hemorrhage! I do have some herbs on hand, but that is my number one fear.
The other is that the baby will not breath on his/her own. I know infant cpr and I know how some other emergency techniques for this situation, but it still worries me. I shouldn't worry about either, since all of my vaginal births have been routine and complication free. But there is nothing like being woken in the middle of the night with the "what if" question. Thankfully the worry subsides quickly and with some prayer and focus, I feel everything will be fine, like it is supposed to be.
Other than that, baby is head down (YAY!) and kicking away as I type. We have switched to decaf coffee, since quiting it altogether was impossible. I have also taken the advice of a friend and started to keep a weekly log of my vitals - blood pressure, weight, fluid retention (if noticeable), fetal movement, that kind of thing. My iron is low, I can tell, but that is normal for me and I have started a supplement. And I ordered a fetoscope and can NOT find a heartbeat to save my life! I think I may be too fat!
We are nearing the 7 weeks left mark and I have just a few more items to collect before I can say I am "ready". Can't wait to meet our new little one!
I do have one concern, and maybe you have some advice for this: what will my doctor (who is our family practitioner) do when she figures out I haven't gone to the other doctor who would handle the vbac and what will I do if she refuses to be our family doctor after our ubac? I am very worried about this! It is difficult to find a great doctor in our town and I don't want to be kicked off her roster!
Part of the reason I decided to stop going to appointments is because the doctor she has to turn me over to is very unpleasant and the stress of having to go to him again was more than I could take! I am happy with this decision. I'm not even worried about the possibility of ending up at the hospital and trying to explain my decision to the on call ob. Really, I just don't want to have to find a new doctor after all this.
Deciding to ubac at home has not been completely stress free. There are a few things that I am worried about happening. The biggest one is hemorrhaging. I watched my step sister give birth to her first baby (in the hospital) and she had a placenta break and there was blood everywhere, so I know how fast you can lose blood during that kind of hemorrhage! I do have some herbs on hand, but that is my number one fear.
The other is that the baby will not breath on his/her own. I know infant cpr and I know how some other emergency techniques for this situation, but it still worries me. I shouldn't worry about either, since all of my vaginal births have been routine and complication free. But there is nothing like being woken in the middle of the night with the "what if" question. Thankfully the worry subsides quickly and with some prayer and focus, I feel everything will be fine, like it is supposed to be.
Other than that, baby is head down (YAY!) and kicking away as I type. We have switched to decaf coffee, since quiting it altogether was impossible. I have also taken the advice of a friend and started to keep a weekly log of my vitals - blood pressure, weight, fluid retention (if noticeable), fetal movement, that kind of thing. My iron is low, I can tell, but that is normal for me and I have started a supplement. And I ordered a fetoscope and can NOT find a heartbeat to save my life! I think I may be too fat!
We are nearing the 7 weeks left mark and I have just a few more items to collect before I can say I am "ready". Can't wait to meet our new little one!
Friday, March 4, 2011
On our own
I came to the tough decision to abandon further ob appointments for the remainder of this pregnancy. I was making myself ill with the stress of disappointing one of the doctors! I have been very healthy this pregnancy, so I am choosing to go it alone. If I feel like something is off, I will make an appointment. I am not even going to the ob/gyn, since I will only be going to the hospital if there is an emergency, all my approvals are in place and in that situation, I would end up with any 1 of the 3 surgeons on call (and the one I was referred to is one of them).
All of my items have arrived in the mail, along with some very good books. I am reading "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth", and another book called "Active Birth", and other books about emergency deliveries, fetal positioning and I even dug out the "What to Expect.." book.
I have never read so much during pregnancy! I finally feel educated about my choices and wish I had pursued this with baby #1 or had people around who could have handed me a book and said, "Read this!" Who knows how different this journey could have been.
I wish it was different, but I am no longer resentful or upset with myself. I know that I have been down this path, with all the turns in it, for a reason. I know I'm not the only one who has walked it either! I'm thankful to get the chance to have another baby, another birth experience, another chance to solidify who I am. For me, the birth experience is one that I identify with womanhood. They are inseparable. It might be the physical test of it, it could be the result of bringing a new life into the world through my own labor, I'm not sure. It is dangerous to say my self identity rests on this one event. That's not exactly what I mean, but to some extent, my self worth, my own estimation of my womanhood does hinge on these experiences.
Beyond that, I am comfortable with what my body has been capable of before and know that when left to do the job it was created for, this body will operate almost completely without my help! That is a comfort! My responsibility at this point lies in preparation - good food, good rest, having supplies on hand and listening to what my body is telling me. That will be the most important part of laboring. I am ready!
All of my items have arrived in the mail, along with some very good books. I am reading "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth", and another book called "Active Birth", and other books about emergency deliveries, fetal positioning and I even dug out the "What to Expect.." book.
I have never read so much during pregnancy! I finally feel educated about my choices and wish I had pursued this with baby #1 or had people around who could have handed me a book and said, "Read this!" Who knows how different this journey could have been.
I wish it was different, but I am no longer resentful or upset with myself. I know that I have been down this path, with all the turns in it, for a reason. I know I'm not the only one who has walked it either! I'm thankful to get the chance to have another baby, another birth experience, another chance to solidify who I am. For me, the birth experience is one that I identify with womanhood. They are inseparable. It might be the physical test of it, it could be the result of bringing a new life into the world through my own labor, I'm not sure. It is dangerous to say my self identity rests on this one event. That's not exactly what I mean, but to some extent, my self worth, my own estimation of my womanhood does hinge on these experiences.
Beyond that, I am comfortable with what my body has been capable of before and know that when left to do the job it was created for, this body will operate almost completely without my help! That is a comfort! My responsibility at this point lies in preparation - good food, good rest, having supplies on hand and listening to what my body is telling me. That will be the most important part of laboring. I am ready!
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