Today's appointment

Well I saw my doctor today for a 28 week check up. In 2 or 3 weeks, I will need to go see the other OB for a pre-vbac consultation. Assuming he still feels I am a good candidate for a vbac, he will approve my choice and then I will schedule an appointment at 37 or 38 weeks with him and finish up the last couple weeks with him. I am supposed to ask him (per my doctors instructions) if he wouldn't mind me seeing her for my appointments between 32 and 38 weeks. I'm not going to ask.

I am sick of playing "doctor, may I?" I am tempted to go without care for the next 3 months, I am that frustrated. Part of me doesn't want to burn the bridge with my family practitioner, but the other part of me is sooooo tired of not being listened to and jumping hoops, and since I plan on doing this at home, how can I possibly avoid upsetting someone?! If I continue with care and then just deliver at home, I will upset the doctor who had me in his "schedule". If my baby is breech (baby was still transverse today, though I could tell we had been vertex last week), he will push me for another c-section. Worse yet, since I have a request in to my insurance for a tubal IF I end up with an emergency c-section (and only in that circumstance, because for me, a second section is the last section, even though I want more children. Just another back up plan.), he will somehow work things so that I end up in that situation anyway!
I will go to him to make sure I am in his schedule as far as a due date. I WILL be going to my own doctor for the last appointments. I will NOT be letting him strip my membranes or schedule an induction for me. I WILL be delivering at home. If my baby is breech, like #3 was, and I cannot turn him, I will be delivering at home anyway. The complication here is that I have 2 doctors working with me and if I burn one, then I probably burn them both. What do I do?

Seriously, any advice on how to navigate the personal side of this would be appreciated.

I have a couple tests left: glucose tolerance and Strep B. Both will be done by my physician. Should I just not go to the other doctor? Should I contact that friend who offered information to a traditional midwife? I don't even want to go to the OB, but he is my back up should things go wrong..... I am frustrated.

History of breastfeeding

Nursing has been a frustrating journey for me. I have not been able to offer any of our children only breastmilk. I have always had to supplement with formula. You might be saying to yourself "Had too? I doubt that!" but the truth is, I really, REALLY worked at nursing each baby, going further into the art of stimulating a better supply with each one. The longest I have nursed is 7 months with #4 (each baby I have been able to go one month further), and that was supplemented with formula also.

As I anticipate the arrival of baby #5, I am preparing myself for the challenge of exclusively breastfeeding this one. I feel more prepared than ever. I feel that the knowledge I gained after baby #4 has finally armed me with what I need to be successful!

A little background:

The frustration of the vbac delivery with #4 bled over into the frustration of nursing a baby and I pushed myself (and the baby) into exclusively nursing for the first month. My baby cried for the first month and at one month, when he still was not up to birth weight (scary, considering he should have had a gain at that age) I relented and gave him a bottle. Miraculously, he stopped crying. He was hungry. He was underweight, not gaining and I was so determined to be successful at nursing that I was starving him.

The very next day, I saw an posting on craigslist for free breastmilk! The mother donating the milk had extra, had a clean bill of health and it turns out, was able to give me some of the BEST advice I had ever had (and trust me, by the 4th one, I had all kinds of advice and counselling). My baby gained a full pound in that first week of supplementing with her milk! She loaned me her electric pump (yeah, where were you with that one, WIC?), a good pumping routine, and recommended supplements that actually WORKED! In the end, I discovered that I don't have a "relaxed setting", meaning I have a hard time allowing myself to relax completely and experience a milk let-down, which means the milk won't keep flowing.

I supplemented with Mother Love's More Milk Plus and Ignatia Amara (homeopathic remedy), which is a common stress helper (not her advice, but a La Leche suggestion). Pumping, for me, had to be continuous, I couldn't miss a post feeding pumping or my supply would drop drastically. Very hard work and very time consuming, especially with 3 other kids who need you and who are homeschooled. In the end, between the round the clock pumping, buying a house, packing, regular chores and school, I chose to stop pumping and let my supply take the course it would, giving in to formula again.

Our #4 is now 17 months old and will have a new baby sister or brother in just 2 short months. I think that I can do the pumping regiment now, since we are moved completely, school will be over just as the baby arrives and I am scaling back ALL outside the home activities! I am even looking forward to it! When my supply is in and the baby #5 is eating well and gaining weight, I am even considering switching #4 back to breastmilk in his bottles! He has refused to be weaned from soy formula and I would feel better about him taking a bottle at bed if it was breast milk. A little unconventional, I know, but healthier (and far less expensive!) than feeding him a chemically based formula. Am I setting my goals too high? Maybe.

Wish me luck!

Preparing!

I am nearly 28 weeks along (already!) and today I ordered my birth supplies! I still don't know the gender of our baby and I'm very excited to have a surprise at the end of all this. It does mean I will be picking through the baby clothes we have and finding gender neutral items. I may purchase one or two pink things just for fun!

I also discussed my resistance to seeing the OB for my last trimester with my family doctor. She said she would be happy to continue my care through that time and all I will have to do is go to him for the primary consultation (at 30 weeks) so he can put me in his calendar, and then again at 40 weeks to check on my progress. I told her that going to all those appointments at the end is really inconvenient, given that I have 4 other kids to care for, and that I would like to space them out unless I feel something is wrong. She has been very agreeable with that. This week I have another appointment and I will make sure she takes notes on my choice not to have my membranes stripped and to have her add a tubal in her notes, should I end up with another c-section (which is totally NOT going to happen).

Anyway...

I chose to go with the bare minimum for delivery supplies. I think that birthing at home will allow me to use things I already have on hand. I'll list it out below, but if you see something that you think I really NEED to have on hand, let me know :)

Today I ordered:

Cord clamps and scissors
sterile gloves for the hubby
knit baby cap in white (since all we have are blue ones)
shepherds purse
Peri bath herbs
Peri oil for massage
New bulb syringe and peri bottle
Foot printer and birth certificate

Things I already have:

Receiving blankets
Towels
extra sheets and plastic mattress covers
Ziploc bag for placenta
1 pack of chux pads (disposable soaker pads)
washable soaker pads

Things that I have that need a little work before I can use them:

Moses basket - needs to be lined and padded
cloth diapers and wipes - I'm turning my traditional foldable diapers into prefold all in ones!
Breast pump - Have all the attachments I need, but my sister needs to mail me her pump :)


Still need:

A bassinet
Husband to read the emergency birth manual
More meals for the freezer


So I am feeling fairly prepared. I have a plan, and a back up plan. A select few people know about our plans and are praying for us, which means so much to me! The baby is moving good and feels like it is in a good position. I'll know more at the end of this week. Take care!