I am so much less stressed since I decided to quit going to appointments! I get to just enjoy being pregnant without the hassle of so many appointments, especially in this last trimester.
I do have one concern, and maybe you have some advice for this: what will my doctor (who is our family practitioner) do when she figures out I haven't gone to the other doctor who would handle the vbac and what will I do if she refuses to be our family doctor after our ubac? I am very worried about this! It is difficult to find a great doctor in our town and I don't want to be kicked off her roster!
Part of the reason I decided to stop going to appointments is because the doctor she has to turn me over to is very unpleasant and the stress of having to go to him again was more than I could take! I am happy with this decision. I'm not even worried about the possibility of ending up at the hospital and trying to explain my decision to the on call ob. Really, I just don't want to have to find a new doctor after all this.
Deciding to ubac at home has not been completely stress free. There are a few things that I am worried about happening. The biggest one is hemorrhaging. I watched my step sister give birth to her first baby (in the hospital) and she had a placenta break and there was blood everywhere, so I know how fast you can lose blood during that kind of hemorrhage! I do have some herbs on hand, but that is my number one fear.
The other is that the baby will not breath on his/her own. I know infant cpr and I know how some other emergency techniques for this situation, but it still worries me. I shouldn't worry about either, since all of my vaginal births have been routine and complication free. But there is nothing like being woken in the middle of the night with the "what if" question. Thankfully the worry subsides quickly and with some prayer and focus, I feel everything will be fine, like it is supposed to be.
Other than that, baby is head down (YAY!) and kicking away as I type. We have switched to decaf coffee, since quiting it altogether was impossible. I have also taken the advice of a friend and started to keep a weekly log of my vitals - blood pressure, weight, fluid retention (if noticeable), fetal movement, that kind of thing. My iron is low, I can tell, but that is normal for me and I have started a supplement. And I ordered a fetoscope and can NOT find a heartbeat to save my life! I think I may be too fat!
We are nearing the 7 weeks left mark and I have just a few more items to collect before I can say I am "ready". Can't wait to meet our new little one!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
On our own
I came to the tough decision to abandon further ob appointments for the remainder of this pregnancy. I was making myself ill with the stress of disappointing one of the doctors! I have been very healthy this pregnancy, so I am choosing to go it alone. If I feel like something is off, I will make an appointment. I am not even going to the ob/gyn, since I will only be going to the hospital if there is an emergency, all my approvals are in place and in that situation, I would end up with any 1 of the 3 surgeons on call (and the one I was referred to is one of them).
All of my items have arrived in the mail, along with some very good books. I am reading "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth", and another book called "Active Birth", and other books about emergency deliveries, fetal positioning and I even dug out the "What to Expect.." book.
I have never read so much during pregnancy! I finally feel educated about my choices and wish I had pursued this with baby #1 or had people around who could have handed me a book and said, "Read this!" Who knows how different this journey could have been.
I wish it was different, but I am no longer resentful or upset with myself. I know that I have been down this path, with all the turns in it, for a reason. I know I'm not the only one who has walked it either! I'm thankful to get the chance to have another baby, another birth experience, another chance to solidify who I am. For me, the birth experience is one that I identify with womanhood. They are inseparable. It might be the physical test of it, it could be the result of bringing a new life into the world through my own labor, I'm not sure. It is dangerous to say my self identity rests on this one event. That's not exactly what I mean, but to some extent, my self worth, my own estimation of my womanhood does hinge on these experiences.
Beyond that, I am comfortable with what my body has been capable of before and know that when left to do the job it was created for, this body will operate almost completely without my help! That is a comfort! My responsibility at this point lies in preparation - good food, good rest, having supplies on hand and listening to what my body is telling me. That will be the most important part of laboring. I am ready!
All of my items have arrived in the mail, along with some very good books. I am reading "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth", and another book called "Active Birth", and other books about emergency deliveries, fetal positioning and I even dug out the "What to Expect.." book.
I have never read so much during pregnancy! I finally feel educated about my choices and wish I had pursued this with baby #1 or had people around who could have handed me a book and said, "Read this!" Who knows how different this journey could have been.
I wish it was different, but I am no longer resentful or upset with myself. I know that I have been down this path, with all the turns in it, for a reason. I know I'm not the only one who has walked it either! I'm thankful to get the chance to have another baby, another birth experience, another chance to solidify who I am. For me, the birth experience is one that I identify with womanhood. They are inseparable. It might be the physical test of it, it could be the result of bringing a new life into the world through my own labor, I'm not sure. It is dangerous to say my self identity rests on this one event. That's not exactly what I mean, but to some extent, my self worth, my own estimation of my womanhood does hinge on these experiences.
Beyond that, I am comfortable with what my body has been capable of before and know that when left to do the job it was created for, this body will operate almost completely without my help! That is a comfort! My responsibility at this point lies in preparation - good food, good rest, having supplies on hand and listening to what my body is telling me. That will be the most important part of laboring. I am ready!
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