Having a baby is a joy that I love to share. I love that people want to see her, strangers want to know how big she was and family members love to give me looks when I tell them her name. One of the things that come with having a new baby is people asking about the delivery. Generally, these are women that are close to the mother and honestly, sharing our birth experience builds a bond between women, allowing us to find things we share in common and giving us validation of our feelings and actions. I don't mind swapping stories, usually.
Here are a few questions I have received as I have shared the story of our daughter's birth:
What did you enjoy most about birthing at home?
By far, the best part of having a baby at home is the privacy. I was able to labor in peace, no nurses coming in to "check my progress" and afterwards, I went to sleep in my own bed. I really enjoyed the quiet, private recovery time as well.
Did you think might end up at the hospital? Did you have any last minute doubts?
Honestly, if had I thought, at any point, that I would need to be at the hospital, I would not have chosen a home birth. Despite my confidence in my ability to birth naturally and safely, I did have back up plans for complications that could arise. Not only did I have a "worst case scenario" plan (ambulance and hospital), but also I had a personal comfort limit for how far over my estimated due date I would go before seeking assistance from an obstetrician.
Would you do it again?
I would! Right now, we are happy with 5 children, but if we have anymore children, I would definitely want to deliver at home unassisted.
How did the doctor react to the news of your home delivery?
Our family doctor is wonderful. I have been seeing her since I found out I was pregnant with our oldest son. She was very happy to see our new little baby, but she did say that she wished we had been at the hospital because of the risks. Overall, she was positive and thrilled that I had such an easy, uncomplicated labor and a beautiful healthy baby.
What would you do differently?
I would really seek to have prenatal care with someone supportive of my decision to homebirth. As I said, our family practitioner is great, but I'm not sure how she would feel about me openly planning an unassisted birth. Having that extra support is wonderful and its important that the people who may end up overseeing my healthcare in an emergency situation are people who I have a relationship and connection with. I need to know that they are going to listen when I need them to listen. My husband was wonderful and read whatever I read. We were a good team. I would seek to have a little more outside support, maybe widen that circle of trust to include more women. Men don't talk as much as women and I think my husband may have been sick of pregnancy talk well before the 3rd trimester began!
What about child care for your other children while you are in labor and recovering?
I read somewhere that the majority of women who are left to labor in their own way and time will deliver in the wee hours of the night and morning. I was really counting on this for our delivery because it was important to me to keep our plans quiet and arranging childcare would have meant letting someone into our circle of trust. It was also very important to me that the children be the first to see the baby, instead of all the friends and extended family members dropping by to see the baby. We are very fortunate that our baby kept to the plan and our other kids were all sleeping. We did end up arranging back up child care with my aunt who lives just 3 miles away, so again, we made sure we had options.
During recovery, my husband ran things. The boys are all very helpful and I think they really like having Dad spend his days with them.
What would you say to other mothers who wish to vbac at home or have an unassisted birth?
My experience with an unassisted home birth is just that: my experience. I would not tell someone else that they should attempt the same thing but I would happily share my story and how we came to this decision. It was a rewarding and healing journey that culminated with the birth of this baby. I finally felt like I had a labor that was easy and comfortable and done in my own time and way, something I knew I was capable of despite being labeled as "high risk". There is a lot of freedom in throwing off the constraints and labels of a hospital birth, but it certainly has its place in emergency situations. Each person has to make their own decision based on accurate information and personal comfort.
I feel like I have come to the end of a long journey, one that ended as I had hoped. We had a healthy pregnancy, a wonderful labor, and now a beautiful baby girl. What more could I ask for? I am a more confident person now, I feel more educated and I have regained a lot of my self esteem. I doubt that I will keep this blog going now. Maybe an occasional post to update. There are so many great blogs out there that are dedicated to educating women on just how amazing their bodies are and how pregnancy and birth can be so much more and so much easier than the image pushed on us by doctors and hospitals. The most important thing anyone can do is to educate themselves. Keep looking for answers to your questions. You may have been told that YOU are the reason your child "had" to be born the way the doctor prescribed, but the truth is out there. Don't stop looking or striving for a better way.
Thanks for reading. Take care :)
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Now Birthing.... Daughters!
Well, I may have to change the name of this blog, because..... It's a girl!
We are so proud to be the parents of 5 children now, and even more excited to welcome our first girl. She is a beautiful baby and looks so much like our oldest boy when he was born. The funny part is that she has red hair, so my previous post, where I'm ranting about "not over doing it with the pink clothes" probably needs to be disregarded. Red heads look great in pink! That will teach me...!
I have a lot to say about the whole home birth/unassisted experience, but for now, I just want to share the actual birth story. Its not a messy or unusual birth story, pretty typical thankfully.
After my last post on Thursday, my husband and I sat down for our nightly ritual - watching a few episodes of "Highlander". I sort of timed contractions, but after nodding off during the 2nd episode and having contractions wake me up, decided I should go to bed. It was about 1 am and I felt that we would probably have a baby soon, maybe even before morning, so we set about getting things ready. We put water and washcloths in a crock pot and put it on low heat (by the way, this was too hot! If you are going to use this setting, put it on the warm setting so your attendant doesn't burn their hands when getting washcloths out. Thankfully, my husband works with very hot water every day and has hands made of Kevlar!) I prepared a small tea pot of the herb Shepherd's Purse, just to have it on hand in case of hemorrhaging. We got out some towels for catching the baby, set our umbilical scissors in an alcohol solution by the bed and got the bag of homeopathic remedies out. And then we went to bed. Or rather, he went to bed and I tried.
After laying down for about 10 minutes, it was clear that the contractions were NOT going to go away and that laying down was actually making them MORE uncomfortable. I decided to sit up in my rocking chair (sitting on a puddle pad) and try to watch a movie. These contractions were strong, but nothing I couldn't work through. Over the next hour, they moved from 10 minutes apart to 6 minutes and finally, I got to a point that I just couldn't count the passing seconds or relax through the contractions anymore. I had to get up and evacuate my bladder 2 times with the last 2 contractions and as I got up for the third time, I decided that I just couldn't go through anymore contractions without my husband! I needed my back rubbed and some help focusing through the difficult parts, so I woke him up. As I was sitting on the toilet, I started to feel that familiar feeling of pushing, making its way toward me. I knew that I had to get off the toilet, but I really wanted to ease the pressure on my bladder and was waiting for my water to break and give me some relief. It must have broke while I was there, but I couldn't tell. My husband helped (read: MADE me get off the toilet) me get out of the bathroom and I made it to the bed and stood at the foot. We realized it was almost time.
While he busily gathered supplies, I focused through the next contraction. The need to push started to take over. Part of my preparations for this birth was realizing that I didn't want to push when my body wasn't ready or push too fast and end up with a tear. I really tried to let my body do the work. Just as I needed to bear down, my husband was there and ready to catch. I started to push and still felt like there should have been a rush of water and maybe the bag was in the way, so I asked my husband to check if the head was coming down and if he could feel a bag. He said that there was no bag, just a head. My husband applied a hot washcloth to my perineum and I pushed with the next contraction. The head was completely out and with the last contraction, our little girl was born at 2:55 am!
After a few hours of sleep, we woke up our boys and let them all come visit their new little sis. Our toddler was probably the most excited. He couldn't stop laughing and saying "baby!" It was so nice to have them be the first people to see their sister and have that peace of being at home. It was very special.
We made an appointment that morning with our family doctor so we could both get checked out. I had no major tears, just one small "stretch" that is a little tender, but did not need stitches. Our little girl checked out beautifully. She wasn't covered in vernix, just a little left in the creases of her legs and arms, so we know she was born right on time! She had great color and vigor from the start and has been nursing like a champ! Really, the whole process could not have gone better and I feel so blessed to have come through pregnancy and delivery healthy and with a healthy baby.
If you have any questions about the birth or anything else that I've written about, please feel free to ask. I'm hoping I can cover a lot of those in my next post. Take care :)
We are so proud to be the parents of 5 children now, and even more excited to welcome our first girl. She is a beautiful baby and looks so much like our oldest boy when he was born. The funny part is that she has red hair, so my previous post, where I'm ranting about "not over doing it with the pink clothes" probably needs to be disregarded. Red heads look great in pink! That will teach me...!
I have a lot to say about the whole home birth/unassisted experience, but for now, I just want to share the actual birth story. Its not a messy or unusual birth story, pretty typical thankfully.
After my last post on Thursday, my husband and I sat down for our nightly ritual - watching a few episodes of "Highlander". I sort of timed contractions, but after nodding off during the 2nd episode and having contractions wake me up, decided I should go to bed. It was about 1 am and I felt that we would probably have a baby soon, maybe even before morning, so we set about getting things ready. We put water and washcloths in a crock pot and put it on low heat (by the way, this was too hot! If you are going to use this setting, put it on the warm setting so your attendant doesn't burn their hands when getting washcloths out. Thankfully, my husband works with very hot water every day and has hands made of Kevlar!) I prepared a small tea pot of the herb Shepherd's Purse, just to have it on hand in case of hemorrhaging. We got out some towels for catching the baby, set our umbilical scissors in an alcohol solution by the bed and got the bag of homeopathic remedies out. And then we went to bed. Or rather, he went to bed and I tried.
After laying down for about 10 minutes, it was clear that the contractions were NOT going to go away and that laying down was actually making them MORE uncomfortable. I decided to sit up in my rocking chair (sitting on a puddle pad) and try to watch a movie. These contractions were strong, but nothing I couldn't work through. Over the next hour, they moved from 10 minutes apart to 6 minutes and finally, I got to a point that I just couldn't count the passing seconds or relax through the contractions anymore. I had to get up and evacuate my bladder 2 times with the last 2 contractions and as I got up for the third time, I decided that I just couldn't go through anymore contractions without my husband! I needed my back rubbed and some help focusing through the difficult parts, so I woke him up. As I was sitting on the toilet, I started to feel that familiar feeling of pushing, making its way toward me. I knew that I had to get off the toilet, but I really wanted to ease the pressure on my bladder and was waiting for my water to break and give me some relief. It must have broke while I was there, but I couldn't tell. My husband helped (read: MADE me get off the toilet) me get out of the bathroom and I made it to the bed and stood at the foot. We realized it was almost time.
While he busily gathered supplies, I focused through the next contraction. The need to push started to take over. Part of my preparations for this birth was realizing that I didn't want to push when my body wasn't ready or push too fast and end up with a tear. I really tried to let my body do the work. Just as I needed to bear down, my husband was there and ready to catch. I started to push and still felt like there should have been a rush of water and maybe the bag was in the way, so I asked my husband to check if the head was coming down and if he could feel a bag. He said that there was no bag, just a head. My husband applied a hot washcloth to my perineum and I pushed with the next contraction. The head was completely out and with the last contraction, our little girl was born at 2:55 am!
After a few hours of sleep, we woke up our boys and let them all come visit their new little sis. Our toddler was probably the most excited. He couldn't stop laughing and saying "baby!" It was so nice to have them be the first people to see their sister and have that peace of being at home. It was very special.
We made an appointment that morning with our family doctor so we could both get checked out. I had no major tears, just one small "stretch" that is a little tender, but did not need stitches. Our little girl checked out beautifully. She wasn't covered in vernix, just a little left in the creases of her legs and arms, so we know she was born right on time! She had great color and vigor from the start and has been nursing like a champ! Really, the whole process could not have gone better and I feel so blessed to have come through pregnancy and delivery healthy and with a healthy baby.
If you have any questions about the birth or anything else that I've written about, please feel free to ask. I'm hoping I can cover a lot of those in my next post. Take care :)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Possibly in Labor?
My due date has come and gone. I don't hold to fast to the due date given to me by the doctor, but I do feel that it is fairly accurate and somehow thought that I would actually be holding a baby by now! I was really hoping for my brother's birthday, since we are giving this baby (if it's a girl) the same middle name as both him and my father. We still don't have a boys name!
Tonight I am having some good contractions. They are spaced about 15 minutes apart and are the crampy kind, not the full stomach tightening ones. I would love to say that I am in labor, especially because one of them woke me up earlier during my nap, but there is every possibility they will stop and I could do it all again tomorrow. Last Saturday I was having some really intense, full stomach contractions with LOTS of pressure in the pelvic floor, but I chose to go to test them by going to bed and they stopped. I've had some contractions pretty much every evening since then. I guess I will have to wait and see.
I'm going to use this fun little webpage to track contractions tonight. And I'm going to stay up and sitting up to see if that helps. I don't really know what else to do. Maybe I can sit out on the porch and repot plants? Something to keep me busy and distracted. Maybe sewing?
Anyway, if you read this tonight, keep me in prayer. All of our supplies are ready, our bedroom is ready, we have child care lined up for emergency situations or change in our plans to birth unassisted, but above all things, I am relying on God to bring all of us through this situation as He has intended by design. Thanks and Shalom :)
Tonight I am having some good contractions. They are spaced about 15 minutes apart and are the crampy kind, not the full stomach tightening ones. I would love to say that I am in labor, especially because one of them woke me up earlier during my nap, but there is every possibility they will stop and I could do it all again tomorrow. Last Saturday I was having some really intense, full stomach contractions with LOTS of pressure in the pelvic floor, but I chose to go to test them by going to bed and they stopped. I've had some contractions pretty much every evening since then. I guess I will have to wait and see.
I'm going to use this fun little webpage to track contractions tonight. And I'm going to stay up and sitting up to see if that helps. I don't really know what else to do. Maybe I can sit out on the porch and repot plants? Something to keep me busy and distracted. Maybe sewing?
Anyway, if you read this tonight, keep me in prayer. All of our supplies are ready, our bedroom is ready, we have child care lined up for emergency situations or change in our plans to birth unassisted, but above all things, I am relying on God to bring all of us through this situation as He has intended by design. Thanks and Shalom :)
Sunday, May 15, 2011
One week....
I made the mistake of going to the doctor about 2 weeks ago. I gave in and told my aunt about our birth plans and let her comments pressure me into going to the doctor "one last time". It was a disaster!
I didn't fully disclose my plans to the doctor, but I did tell her that I was just going to "take my chances" when it came time to deliver. She took that as I was just going to take whatever doctor I got when I checked into the hospital. I ended up crying in the exam room, which was good because I don't think she understood how frustrated and overwhelmed I was with how the last delivery went. The idea of having someone else tell me how to give birth and give me pitocin without my consent is just more than I can deal with again and although I had been telling her this since my first postpartum check after that delivery, and all through this pregnancy, she really didn't see how upset I was.
I left her office feeling pushed to make a decision about which local OB would be attending me during labor. She called Dr. A and let him know that I was almost 38 weeks, had not been going to appointments because of some deeply rooted fears about delivery and apparently he sees no reason why I can't vbac again. He also said something like "well, she can do whatever she wants during labor, its no bother to me". Right. But hospital policy dictates what he can and can't do and that effects the woman giving birth! That is no guarantee that I won't end up with pitocin again! Not to mention, I just don't want to have my baby at the hospital! Worse, if I just wing it and go in, my doctor is responsible for not letting someone know my prior history of delivery and the "risk" could get her in trouble.
I was very upset about the whole appointment and being bullied into choosing an ob, being pushed into going to another doctor's appointment at all and then having my husband on the other side, telling me not to let them push me around and getting upset that I was upset! It's not helpful to try to force someone who is already feeling pushed around into making such a big decision (like "do I continue on with my plan or bail out now and get an ob?"), especially when your main concern is not your wife or her feelings, but the idea of someone else being in control of your child's future! Men do not know what it's like to have a doctor telling them what they need to do, being in control of the whole pregnancy and delivery, from the first pelvic exam, thru every test and conversation weighted with scary statistics and "what ifs"! They don't know so they forget that really, this is all about the woman being in control of her own body and labor!
I know he will be great during labor and delivery, but it was maddening to have that all hit in one day.
Since then, family members have been offering to take the other kids "while we are at the hospital" and I have used that opportunity to tell them we plan on staying home and having the kids stay too, barring any emergencies. My mom was very receptive to the idea and far more understanding than I thought she would be. My father in law thought that my husband delivering the baby was a great idea, after all, "people have been having babies for centuries without doctors". It has been good to have their support.
With only a week until my due date, I am more resolved to stay home. I had a few days of worry and stress after that appointment, but I have not called the ob for an appointment and as long as I don't go to far over my date, I won't. I have even started getting baby clothes set aside. Want to know a secret? I think it might be a girl, too. The reality that there will be a new baby soon and I will no longer be pregnant is starting to sink in and I'm finally getting ready. I would appreciate prayers during this time. For peace in our home, preparedness, safety and a healthy baby. Thanks for reading! Maybe next week I can post about our new little one :)
I didn't fully disclose my plans to the doctor, but I did tell her that I was just going to "take my chances" when it came time to deliver. She took that as I was just going to take whatever doctor I got when I checked into the hospital. I ended up crying in the exam room, which was good because I don't think she understood how frustrated and overwhelmed I was with how the last delivery went. The idea of having someone else tell me how to give birth and give me pitocin without my consent is just more than I can deal with again and although I had been telling her this since my first postpartum check after that delivery, and all through this pregnancy, she really didn't see how upset I was.
I left her office feeling pushed to make a decision about which local OB would be attending me during labor. She called Dr. A and let him know that I was almost 38 weeks, had not been going to appointments because of some deeply rooted fears about delivery and apparently he sees no reason why I can't vbac again. He also said something like "well, she can do whatever she wants during labor, its no bother to me". Right. But hospital policy dictates what he can and can't do and that effects the woman giving birth! That is no guarantee that I won't end up with pitocin again! Not to mention, I just don't want to have my baby at the hospital! Worse, if I just wing it and go in, my doctor is responsible for not letting someone know my prior history of delivery and the "risk" could get her in trouble.
I was very upset about the whole appointment and being bullied into choosing an ob, being pushed into going to another doctor's appointment at all and then having my husband on the other side, telling me not to let them push me around and getting upset that I was upset! It's not helpful to try to force someone who is already feeling pushed around into making such a big decision (like "do I continue on with my plan or bail out now and get an ob?"), especially when your main concern is not your wife or her feelings, but the idea of someone else being in control of your child's future! Men do not know what it's like to have a doctor telling them what they need to do, being in control of the whole pregnancy and delivery, from the first pelvic exam, thru every test and conversation weighted with scary statistics and "what ifs"! They don't know so they forget that really, this is all about the woman being in control of her own body and labor!
I know he will be great during labor and delivery, but it was maddening to have that all hit in one day.
Since then, family members have been offering to take the other kids "while we are at the hospital" and I have used that opportunity to tell them we plan on staying home and having the kids stay too, barring any emergencies. My mom was very receptive to the idea and far more understanding than I thought she would be. My father in law thought that my husband delivering the baby was a great idea, after all, "people have been having babies for centuries without doctors". It has been good to have their support.
With only a week until my due date, I am more resolved to stay home. I had a few days of worry and stress after that appointment, but I have not called the ob for an appointment and as long as I don't go to far over my date, I won't. I have even started getting baby clothes set aside. Want to know a secret? I think it might be a girl, too. The reality that there will be a new baby soon and I will no longer be pregnant is starting to sink in and I'm finally getting ready. I would appreciate prayers during this time. For peace in our home, preparedness, safety and a healthy baby. Thanks for reading! Maybe next week I can post about our new little one :)
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