Having a baby is a joy that I love to share. I love that people want to see her, strangers want to know how big she was and family members love to give me looks when I tell them her name. One of the things that come with having a new baby is people asking about the delivery. Generally, these are women that are close to the mother and honestly, sharing our birth experience builds a bond between women, allowing us to find things we share in common and giving us validation of our feelings and actions. I don't mind swapping stories, usually.
Here are a few questions I have received as I have shared the story of our daughter's birth:
What did you enjoy most about birthing at home?
By far, the best part of having a baby at home is the privacy. I was able to labor in peace, no nurses coming in to "check my progress" and afterwards, I went to sleep in my own bed. I really enjoyed the quiet, private recovery time as well.
Did you think might end up at the hospital? Did you have any last minute doubts?
Honestly, if had I thought, at any point, that I would need to be at the hospital, I would not have chosen a home birth. Despite my confidence in my ability to birth naturally and safely, I did have back up plans for complications that could arise. Not only did I have a "worst case scenario" plan (ambulance and hospital), but also I had a personal comfort limit for how far over my estimated due date I would go before seeking assistance from an obstetrician.
Would you do it again?
I would! Right now, we are happy with 5 children, but if we have anymore children, I would definitely want to deliver at home unassisted.
How did the doctor react to the news of your home delivery?
Our family doctor is wonderful. I have been seeing her since I found out I was pregnant with our oldest son. She was very happy to see our new little baby, but she did say that she wished we had been at the hospital because of the risks. Overall, she was positive and thrilled that I had such an easy, uncomplicated labor and a beautiful healthy baby.
What would you do differently?
I would really seek to have prenatal care with someone supportive of my decision to homebirth. As I said, our family practitioner is great, but I'm not sure how she would feel about me openly planning an unassisted birth. Having that extra support is wonderful and its important that the people who may end up overseeing my healthcare in an emergency situation are people who I have a relationship and connection with. I need to know that they are going to listen when I need them to listen. My husband was wonderful and read whatever I read. We were a good team. I would seek to have a little more outside support, maybe widen that circle of trust to include more women. Men don't talk as much as women and I think my husband may have been sick of pregnancy talk well before the 3rd trimester began!
What about child care for your other children while you are in labor and recovering?
I read somewhere that the majority of women who are left to labor in their own way and time will deliver in the wee hours of the night and morning. I was really counting on this for our delivery because it was important to me to keep our plans quiet and arranging childcare would have meant letting someone into our circle of trust. It was also very important to me that the children be the first to see the baby, instead of all the friends and extended family members dropping by to see the baby. We are very fortunate that our baby kept to the plan and our other kids were all sleeping. We did end up arranging back up child care with my aunt who lives just 3 miles away, so again, we made sure we had options.
During recovery, my husband ran things. The boys are all very helpful and I think they really like having Dad spend his days with them.
What would you say to other mothers who wish to vbac at home or have an unassisted birth?
My experience with an unassisted home birth is just that: my experience. I would not tell someone else that they should attempt the same thing but I would happily share my story and how we came to this decision. It was a rewarding and healing journey that culminated with the birth of this baby. I finally felt like I had a labor that was easy and comfortable and done in my own time and way, something I knew I was capable of despite being labeled as "high risk". There is a lot of freedom in throwing off the constraints and labels of a hospital birth, but it certainly has its place in emergency situations. Each person has to make their own decision based on accurate information and personal comfort.
I feel like I have come to the end of a long journey, one that ended as I had hoped. We had a healthy pregnancy, a wonderful labor, and now a beautiful baby girl. What more could I ask for? I am a more confident person now, I feel more educated and I have regained a lot of my self esteem. I doubt that I will keep this blog going now. Maybe an occasional post to update. There are so many great blogs out there that are dedicated to educating women on just how amazing their bodies are and how pregnancy and birth can be so much more and so much easier than the image pushed on us by doctors and hospitals. The most important thing anyone can do is to educate themselves. Keep looking for answers to your questions. You may have been told that YOU are the reason your child "had" to be born the way the doctor prescribed, but the truth is out there. Don't stop looking or striving for a better way.
Thanks for reading. Take care :)
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